Day 15

I didn't do anything creative today, but I DID change my bed to flannel sheets!  And I DID go to Heindselman's, where I ran into one of my wildly creative friends.  She's quite amazing and very talented, and I sometimes wish I were unemployed so I could spend my time finishing projects and practicing my spinning...which is actually a pipe dream.  If I were unemployed right now I'd start going crazy after about a week because I would feel like such a burden on my family, not to mention the guilt at not being able to contribute to household expenses.

Quite honestly, today had a depressing start, and when I was finishing up my errands I realized that I'd been dreading going to work tomorrow.  I'm glad I have a job, and there are aspects of it I really enjoy, but I can feel myself getting brain- and soul-sick there.  If I didn't feel like I have to prove something every time I walk in that door, I'd be more creative in my clothing/shoes/accessories.  As it is, I feel like I can't wear anything too far to the wrong side of conservative or I'll risk someone being annoyed by it.  Colorful tights?  Relegated to their drawer.  Funky necklaces?  Still in the jewelry box.  Plaid shoes?  On the closet floor, and don't even get me started about my shiny shoes or beaded cardigans!  I'm so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and having it set something off that I've been lying pretty low.  The most interesting thing I've worn lately was a long orange sleeveless cardigan over a long-sleeved orange t-shirt and gray plaid pants, and even in that I was subconsciously worried that someone wouldn't take me seriously enough even though I know my job better than the people who wrote the job description.

There's a part of me that wants to wear red shoes and striped socks and purple sweaters all the time, but I am, like I said, nervous about it.  It's highly tempting to try to go back to retail, where at least I'd feel a little less weird about wearing striped tights.

It is hard to have the desire to create and to have it stifled, but maybe I'm just overreacting, which seems to be a theme this month. :)